so this month has been a little crazy. There was a few tornadoes that went through an area that wasnt to far from where i am. So far i havent heard about any deaths just injuries which is just abosolutely amazing. I know it may sound wrong but i wanted to go and take pictures of the aftermath but i didnt. I guess i wanted to capture how strong nature is yet how much we as humans can go through and still be strong enough to pick up the pieces.
So besides the weather, i have been going through some tough emotional issues. Im torn on whether or not i should take some time off work to go help out my family or stay and just send a small contribution to help out with the difficult times. Even though ive send more than my share. I really care what is going on but ive seen what ive sent go to brother and sister when thats the reason they need to money. They both work and live with them but cant contribute so im getting calls ever week to wire more. I cant just write them off but i have to make this cease. They walked all over me when i lived there and they seem to still be able to. I love my family but i dont know how much more i can give. I know my last jounal i was talking of a vacation but now i wont be able to take it. Because of what i just sent to help out. So once again a dream i have is stomped on just like prom, travel softball, and new clothes. All things i couldnt do or have because of my lieing theiving brother and gambling addicted mother. But ive never been able to turn away and never will they are my family. What do i do, i need to worry about myself but cant when everyone elses dumps their needs and wants on me. How do i say no without myself getting write off like the uncaring daughter. I wish they could see how their tearing me apart, and how its taking a toll on my relationship with my boyfriend. It was hard enough to cancel the plans for a vacation with him, he says he's not mad but i can tell he's upset about it. I dont know I dont know I dont know

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